There was nobody in the orchard. Harriott Leigh went out, carefully, through the iron gate into the field. She had made the latch slip into its notch without a sound.
The path slanted widely up the field from the orchard gate to the stile under the elder tree. George Waring waited for her there.
Years afterwards, when she thought of George Waring she smelt the sweet, hot wine-scent of the elder flowers. Years afterwards, when she smelt elder flowers she saw George Waring, with his beautiful, gentle face, like a poet's or a musician's, his black-blue eyes, and sleek, olive-brown hair. He was a naval lieutenant.
Yesterday he had asked her to marry him and she had consented. But her father hadn't, and she had come to tell him that and say good-bye before he left her. His ship was to sail the next day.
He was eager and excited. He couldn't believe that anything could stop their happiness, that anything he didn't want to happen could happen. "Well?" he said. "He's a perfect beast, George. He won't let us. He says we're too young."
"I was twenty last August," he said, aggrieved.
"And I shall be seventeen in September."
"And this is June. We're quite old, really. How long does he mean us to wait?" "Three years." "Three years be- Why, we might
fore we can be engaged evenbe dead."
She put her arms round him to make him feel safe. They kissed; and the sweet, hot wine-scent of the elder flowers mixed with their kisses. They stood, pressed close together, under the elder tree.
Across the yellow fields of charlock they heard the village clock strike seven. Up in the house a gong clanged.
"Darling, I must go," she said.
"Oh, stay—stay five minutes."
He pressed her close. It lasted five minutes, and five more. Then he was running fast down the road to the station, while Harriott went along the fieldpath, slowly, struggling with her tears.
"He'll be back in three months," she said. "I can live through three months."
But he never came back. There was something wrong with the engines of his ship, the Alexandra. Three weeks later she went down in the Mediterranean, and George with her.
Harriott said she didn't care how soon she died now. She was quite sure it would be soon, because she couldn't live without him.
Five years passed.
The two lines of beech trees stretched on and on, the whole length of the Park, a broad green drive between. When you came to the middle they branched off right and left in the form of a cross, and at the end of the right arm there was a white stucco pavilion with pillars and a three-cornered pediment like a Greek temple. At the end of the left arm, the west entrance to the Park, double gates and a side door.
Harriott, on her stone seat at the back of the pavilion, could see Stephen Philpotts the very minute he came through the side door.
He had asked her to wait for him there. It was the place he always chose to read his poems aloud in. The poems were a pretext. She knew what he was going to say. And she knew what she would answer.
There were elder bushes in flower at the back of the pavilion, and Harriott thought of George Waring. She told herself that George was nearer to her now than he could ever have been, living. If she married Stephen she would not be unfaithful, because she loved him with another part of herself. It was not as though Stephen were taking George's place. She loved Stephen with her soul, in an unearthly way.
But her body quivered like a stretched wire when the door opened and the young man came towards her down the drive under the beech trees.
She loved him; she loved his slenderness, his darkness and sallow whiteness, his black eyes lighting up with the intellectual flame, the way his black hair swept back from his forehead, the way he walked, tiptoe, as if his feet were lifted with wings.
He sat down beside her. She could see his hands tremble. She felt that her moment was coming; it had come.
"I wanted to see you alone because there's something I must say to you. I don't quite know how to begin. ..."
Her lips parted. She panted lightly.
"You've heard me speak of Sybill Foster?"
Her voice came stammering, "N-no, Stephen. Did you?"
"Well, I didn't mean to, till I knew it was all right. I only heard yesterday." "Heard what?"
"Why, that she'll have me. Oh, Harriott—do you know what it's like to be terribly happy?"
She knew. She had known just now, the moment before he told her. She sat there, stone-cold and stiff, listening to his raptures; listening to her own voice saying she was glad. Ten years passed.
Harriott Leigh sat waiting in the drawing-room of a small house in Maida Vale. She had lived there ever since her father's death two years before.
She was restless. She kept on looking at the clock to see if it was four, the hour that Oscar Wade had appointed. She was not sure that he would come, after she had sent him away yesterday.
She now asked herself, why, when she had sent him away yesterday, she had let him come to-day. Her motives were not altogether clear. If she really meant what she had said then, she oughtn't to let him come to her again. Never again.
She had shown him plainly what she meant. She could see herself, sitting very straight in her chair, uplifted by a passionate integrity, while he stood before her, hanging his head, ashamed and beaten; she could feel again the throb in her voice as she kept on saying that she couldn't, she couldn't; he must see that she couldn't; that no, nothing would make her change her mind; she couldn't forget he had a wife; that he must think of Muriel.
To which he had answered savagely: "I needn't, That's all over. We only live together for the look of the thing."
And she, serenely, with great dignity: "And for the look of the thing, Oscar, we must leave off seeing each other. Please go."
"Do you mean it?"
"Yes. We must never see each other again."
And he had gone then, ashamed and beaten.
She could see him, squaring his broad shoulders to meet the blow. And she was sorry for him. She told herself she had been unnecessarily hard. Why shouldn't they see each other again, now he understood where they must draw the line? Until yesterday the line had never been very clearly drawn. To-day she meant to ask him to forget what he had said to her. Once it was forgotten, they could go on being friends as if nothing had happened.
It was four o'clock. Half-past. Five. She had finished tea and given him up when, between the half-hour and six o'clock, he came.
He came as he had come a dozen times, with his measured, deliberate, thoughtful tread, carrying himself well braced, with a sort of held-in arrogance, his great shoulders heaving. He was a man of about forty, broad and tall, lean-flanked and short-necked, his straight, handsome features showing small and even in the big square face and in the flush that swamped it. The close-clipped, reddish-brown moustache bristled forwards from the pushed-out upper lip. His small, flat eyes shone, reddish-brown, eager and animal.
She liked to think of him when he was not there, but always at the first sight of him she felt a slight shock. Physically, he was very far from her admired ideal. So different from George Waring and Stephen Philpotts. He sat down, facing her.
There was an embarrassed silence, broken by Oscar Wade.
"Well, Harriott, you said I could come." He seemed to be throwing the responsibility on her.
"So I suppose you've forgiven me," he said.
"Oh, yes, Oscar, I've forgiven you."
He said she'd better show it by coming to dine with him somewhere that evening.
She could give no reason to herself for going. She simply went.
He took her to a restaurant in Soho. Oscar Wade dined well, even extravagantly, giving each dish its importance. She liked his extravagance. He had none of the mean virtues.
It was over. His flushed, embarrassed silence told her what he was thinking. But when he had seen her home he left her at her garden gate. He had thought better of it.
She was not sure whether she were glad or sorry. She had had her moment of righteous exaltation and she had enjoyed it. But there was no joy in the weeks that followed it. She had given up Oscar Wade because she didn't want him very much; and now she wanted him furiously, perversely, because she had given him up. Though he had no resemblance to her ideal, she couldn't live without him.
She dined with him again and again, till she knew Schnebler's Restaurant by heart, the white-panelled walls picked out with gold; the white pillars, and the curling gold fronds of their capitals; the Turkey carpets, blue and crimson, soft under her feet; the thick crimson velvet cushions, that clung to her skirts; the glitter of silver and glass on the innumerable white circles of the tables. And the faces of the diners, red, white, pink, brown, grey and sallow, distorted and excited; the curled mouths that twisted as they ate; the convoluted electric bulbs pointing, pointing down at them, under the red, crinkled shades. All shimmering in a thick air that the red light stained as wine stains water.
And Oscar's face, flushed with his dinner. Always, when he leaned back from the table and brooded in silence she knew what he was thinking. His heavy eyelids would lift; she would find his eyes fixed on hers, wondering, considering.
She knew now what the end would be. She thought of George Waring, and Stephen Philpotts, and of her life, cheated. She hadn't chosen Oscar, she hadn't really wanted him; but now he had forced himself on her she couldn't afford to let him go. Since George died no man had loved her, no other man ever would. And she was sorry for him when she thought of him going from her, beaten and ashamed.
She was certain, before he was, of the end. Only she didn't know when and where and how it would come. That was what Oscar knew.
It came at the close of one of their evenings when they had dined in a private sitting-room. He said he couldn't stand the heat and noise of the public restaurant.
She went before him, up a steep, red-carpeted stair to a white door on the second landing.
From time to time they repeated the furtive, hidden adventure. Sometimes she met him in the room above Schnebler's. Sometimes, when her maid was out, she received him at her house in Maida Vale. But that was dangerous, not to be risked too often.
Oscar declared himself unspeakably happy. Harriott was not quite sure. This was love, the thing she had never had, that she had dreamed of, hungered and thirsted for; but now she had it she was not satisfied. Always she looked for something just beyond it, some mystic, heavenly rapture, always beginning to come, that never came. There was something about Oscar that repelled her. But because she had taken him for her lover, she couldn't bring herself to admit that it was a certain coarseness. She looked another way and pretended it wasn't there. To justify herself, she fixed her mind on his good qualities, his generosity, his strength, the way he had built up his engineering business. She made him take her over his works and show her his great dynamos. She made him lend her the books he read. But always, when she tried to talk to him, he let her see that that wasn't what she was there for.
"My dear girl, we haven't time," he said. "It's waste of our priceless moments."
She persisted. "There's something wrong about it all if we can't talk to each other."
He was irritated. "Women never seem to consider that a man can get all the talk he wants from other men. What's wrong is our meeting in this unsatisfactory way. We ought to live together. It's the only sane thing. I would, only I don't want to break up Muriel's home and make her miserable."
"I thought you said she wouldn't care."
"My dear, she cares for her home and her position and the children. You forget the children."
Yes. She had forgotten the children. She had forgotten Muriel. She had left off thinking of Oscar as a man with a wife and children and a home.
He had a plan. His mother-in-law was coming to stay with Muriel in October and he would get away. He would go to Paris, and Harriott should come to him there. He could say he went on business. No need to lie about it; he had business in Paris.
He engaged rooms in an hotel in the rue de Rivoli. They spent two weeks there.
For three days Oscar was madly in love with Harriott and Harriott with him. As she lay awake she would turn on the light and look at him as he slept at her side. Sleep made him beautiful and innocent; it laid a fine, smooth tissue over his coarseness; it made his mouth gentle; it entirely hid his eyes.
In six days reaction had set in. At the end of the tenth day, Harriott, returning with Oscar from Montmartre, burst into a fit of crying. When questioned, she answered wildly that the Hotel Saint Pierre was too hideously ugly; it was getting on her nerves. Mercifully Oscar explained her state as fatigue following excitement. She tried hard to believe that she was miserable because her love was purer and more spiritual than Oscar's; but all the time she knew perfectly well she had cried from pure boredom. She was in love with Oscar, and Oscar bored her. Oscar was in love with her, and she bored him. At close quarters, day in and day out, each was revealed to the other as an incredible bore.
At the end of the second week she began to doubt whether she had ever been really in love with him.
Her passion returned for a little while after they got back to London. Freed from the unnatural strain which Paris had put on them, they persuaded themselves that their romantic temperaments were better fitted to the old life of casual adventure.
Then, gradually, the sense of danger began to wake in them. They lived in perpetual fear, face to face with all the chances of discovery. They tormented themselves and each other by imagining possibilities that they would never have considered in their first fine moments. It was as though they were beginning to ask themselves if it were, after all. worth while running such awful risks, for all they got out of it. Oscar still swore that if he had been free he would have married her. He pointed out that his intentions at any rate were regular. But she asked herself: Would I marry him? Marriage would be the Hotel Saint Pierre all over again, without any possibility of escape. But, if she wouldn't marry him, was she in love with him? That was the test. Perhaps it was a good thing he wasn't free. Then she told herself that these doubts were morbid, and that the question wouldn't arise.
One evening Oscar called to see her. He had come to tell her that Muriel was ill.
"I'm afraid so. It's pleurisy. May turn to pneumonia. We shall know one way or another in the next few days."
A terrible fear seized upon Harriott. Muriel might die of her pleurisy; and if Muriel died, she would have to marry Oscar. He was looking at her queerly, as if he knew what she was thinking, and she could see that the same thought had occurred to him and that he was frightened too.
Muriel got well again; but their danger had enlightened them. Muriel's life was now inconceivably precious to them both; she stood between thein and that permanent union, which they dreaded and yet would not have the courage to refuse.
After enlightenment the rupture.
It came from Oscar, one evening when he sat with her in her drawing-room,
"Harriott," he said, "do you know I'm thinking seriously of settling down?"
"How do you mean, settling down?"
"Patching it up with Muriel, poor girl. . . . Has it never occurred to you that this little affair of ours can't go on for ever?"
"You don't want it to go on?"
"I don't want to have any humbug about it. For God's sake, let's be straight. If it's done, it's done. Let's end it decently."
"I see. You want to get rid of me."
"That's a beastly way of putting it."
"Is there any way that isn't beastly? The whole thing's beastly. I should have thought you'd have stuck to it now you've made it what you wanted. When I haven't an ideal, I haven't a single illusion, when you've destroyed everything you didn't want."
"What didn't I want?"
"The clean, beautiful part of it. The part / wanted."
"My part at least was real. It was cleaner and more beautiful than all that putrid stuff you wrapped it up in. You were a hypocrite, Harriott, and I wasn't. You're a hypocrite now if you say you weren't happy with me."
"I was never really happy. Never for one moment. There was always something I missed. Something you didn't give me. Perhaps you couldn't,"
"No. I wasn't spiritual enough," he sneered. "You were not. And you made me what you were."
"Oh, I noticed that you were always very spiritual after you'd got what you wanted."
"What I wanted?" she cried. "Oh, my God"
"If you ever knew what you wanted."
"What—I—wanted," she repeated, drawing out her bitterness.
"Come," he said, "why not be honest? Face facts. I was awfully gone on you. You were awfully gone on me—once. We got tired of each other and it's over. But at least you might own we had a good time while it lasted."
"A good time?"
"Good enough for me."
"For you. because for you love only means one thing. Everything that's high and noble in it you dragged down to that, till there's nothing left for us but that. That's what you made of love."